mall etiquette

i have yet to see a sign with rules on mall etiquette however i'm certain that these rules exist and apparently not everyone is aware of the rules so i guess that means it is now time to put them in writing so that the public can see what is appropriate and what is not for mall behavior...

the skinny on how to be when at the mall
1. when selling a product be a good representation of it...
ex. - if you are selling hair products it might be a good idea to have washed your hair that day rather than wearing a grease slicked pony...also if you are selling acne products, probably a good idea to not have acne, i know sometimes that might be mean to say but im sorry it is true how do you expect people to buy the products you are selling when apparently they aren't even working for you.

2. don't be annoying shopper that tries to return stuff after 7 years that is without tags and that has been used.
ex. - let's say you bought some dress from meir & frank...back before it was macys and you decided now after 5 years you don't like it anymore...don't try and get your money back from it...it's a different store...you have already worn it like 75 times...and the people behind you don't have time to wait for your ugly ass to argue with management about something that you probably shouldn't have even bought in the first place.

3. this one should probably be rule number one but it was put as last because hopefully it will be the one people are left with to remember as most important...

**keep your shit put away in the parking lot...
ex. - if you EVER have the thought of ..."what should i do today...hmm how about go to the mall and chase three girls around the parking structure with my wang hanging out..." yeah not a good idea. first off its disgusting...second its weird...and last, i promise...nobody wants to see it...also something is that next time i see someone jerking off i will probably just go ahead and hit him with my car...i'm certain i can get away with the claim "oh i'm sorry officer but when that sicko jumped in front of my car with his skank in my face i was caught off guard and forgot to stop"...(because also something is...it wasn't even the first time!! it was the 2ND time in the last month that i have been exposed to this indecency...) so totally barf.

the rules of the mall...learn about them bitches. they're kind of common sense so they shouldn't be all that hard to remember.